Relationships: Agony and ecstasy

Dear Agony Aunt

I've been invited to a very close friend's wedding next month and was wondering, since it's summer, if it would be okay to wear white.

Is it still a big no-no that will be seen as an attempt to eclipse the bride's once-in-a-lifetime moment and liable to result in me being shunned during the slosh? Or have things lightened up as far as dress codes go? Might it be all right to team a smart pair of white trousers or white top with another colour? I've seen the dress and it is definitely a big white meringue affair. Please help.

Pale and interesting, Edinburgh

Dear Pale and interesting

Wear colour.

Or…

You might get away with one element of white in your outfit, but to turn up in a full Liz Hurley 'I'm over here, folks' get-up won't earn you any friends at the wedding. Unless, that is, you've been asked to turn up in white by a bridezilla who's going for a meringue-themed event.

We have Queen Victoria to blame for the whole bride-in-white-netting-outfit trend, as the diminutive regal was the first to popularise it, although fashion historians are divided over whether it was a bid to emphasise credentials in the virgin-bride stakes or an effort to boost the Victorian lace industry. We suggest you tone down any white you just can't resist wearing with pastels on either the top or bottom half. And keep your Bianca Jagger or John Travolta-inspired suit to wow them at the divorce party.

Dear Agony Aunt

It's the summer holidays and my mother is being a bit slow about offering her services for childcare. I don't know how I'm going to cope with those long weeks with a house full of children while I'm trying to work. Do you have any suggestions?

Frazzled, Inverness

Dear Frazzled

Try emotional blackmail – works every time.

Or…

Your mother spent days pushing you out and has clothed, fed and supported you for decades. So now it's her turn to kick back, let her hair down and enjoy herself, and you can bet she's not going to let anything get in her way.

You're on a hiding to nothing anyway, looking to that generation for help – she is a baby-boomer, the ones who invented sex, shopping and the grey gap year, so you won't find her gathering your kids to eat up the big pot of stew she's knitted, before tucking them in and reading them a fairy tale. She'll be too busy speed-dating and learning Japanese. You would be much better putting your efforts into starting a childminding rota with some of your friends who, like you, have left it to the last minute.

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