FIRST of all, you need to book your photographer. Yes, I know that might seem strange to some people but, as I keep telling the media, it's important to set the record straight when you break up with your husband of ten years. And if that includes being paid lots of money to be photographed together by a celebrity magazine then so be it. Besides, once you have split up for good, the photo opportunities will be rather fewer on the ground.
Then you need to come to an agreement that you and your soon- to-be-ex-husband are happy with. Unfortunately, if you are telling the press things like "it's an adjustment" and he is telling them "the expression 'wrenched apart' doesn't quite do it",
you can probably surmise that the whole thing is hitting him rather harder than it is you.
In that case, you need to give him some crumbs of comfort. First of all, keep telling the press that there's no one else (when he reads that, it will cheer him up). Secondly, tell him to think about all the things he won't miss, like the paparazzi, the children – oh, hang on a minute, he probably will miss them. Thirdly, remind him that being married to a celebrity is tough – if he doesn't believe you, tell him to ask Guy Ritchie. Your husband knew when you shot to fame in a double-glazing advert dressed only in your underwear that things were going to change, and unfortunately they did.
Of course, when he met you in that nightclub 20 years ago, he didn't think it would come to this. But tell him it's not over till the 34DD lady sings – or has exhausted all possible publicity opportunities. So he'd better keep smiling.
Fiona MacDonald-SmithThe full article contains 309 words and appears in Scotland On Sunday newspaper.
