FLABBERGASTING. Indeed, I'd go so far as to say our flabbers are well and truly gasted by ongoing revelations about our MPs. But looked at from a different angle, it's just about possible to argue that our MPs might have done us an enormous favour.
By dominating the headlines, they protected us from the unremittingly gloomy headlines, helping to protect our savings.
Bank of England governor Mervyn King threw cold water on hopes of a speedy end to the recession, warning that any recovery cou
ld be long and protracted. Yet the FTSE 100 ended the week at 4,352, not much down on Monday's 4,400. MPs may have impoverished their careers, reputations and pockets with cries of "infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me", but our investments held up reasonably well.
Similarly, the Treasury Select Committee slammed bank bosses as incompetents and took a pot shot at City minister Lord Myners for his handling of the departure and pension of RBS's Fred Goodwin. But did anyone care? What's Goodwin's £700,000 pension compared with moats, dung piles and black, sparkly toilet seats?
We're all hooked on this vintage British farce. What a gift Carry on up the Riddle would have been to the old comedy team. (Riddle, by the way, is rhyming slang for among other things "fiddle".)
Kenneth Williams, who perfected the role of haughty, outraged aristos, would have been spoilt for choice as to which Tory grandee to play. Cheeky Barbara Windsor could win a Bafta as a toe-curling Hazel Blears. Oh, I could go on. Bernard Breslaw would be a shoo-in for John Prescott and his mock Tudor beams, and I could see Hattie Jacques as school matron Harriet Harman. Dapper Sid James would be the one to claim a trouser press, so let's pencil him in as Lib Dem home affairs spokesman Chris Huhne.
Jim Dale could play David Cameron as the accident-prone hero while Gordon Brown would surely fall to Terry Scott. He usually played the responsible one trying desperately to keep the show on the road, but failing miserably.
You have to laugh, and I admit I've enjoyed last week's spectacle, not least because if I ever needed convincing, this episode proves beyond doubt our democracy works.
Yes, those concerned fought a bitter rearguard action to prevent their expenses being published, but others were equally determined they must be got out. The public responded with righteous anger.
The turning point, for me, came midweek with the intervention of former Conservative party chairman Lord Tebbit. There we were swimming in a sea of fog, but at the sound of his voice the mist parted and the way forward became clear. Suddenly we knew what to do if the nation was to survive: exactly the opposite of what Tebbit recommended.
He advised voters to show their anger by boycotting the three major parties at the European elections. Why? Whatever you think of the European Parliament, MEPs had absolutely nothing to do with Westminster's scandal.
With 24-hour news media there is no need for the public to resort to stunts to make their anger felt. No, the lesson from this fiasco is we need to vote in even greater numbers and with more serious intent. Revenge should indeed be taken but protest votes should be delivered at next year's general election.
Before then, voters should make it clear that they will boycott any candidates seriously tainted by the scandals. That doesn't include silly mistakes, or minor indiscretions which we should generously forgive. We all make silly errors or misjudgements we later regret.
Where there is any evidence of fraud, though, complaints must be made to the police and prosecutions follow. Similarly, HMRC officials should investigate any actions which look like intent to evade tax.
But there's no need to despair of our politicians. There are plenty of good men in all parties and we should place our trust in them. Did I say men? Wash my mouth out. How could I forget our many magnificent female parliamentarians. What courage it must have taken Diane Abbott to walk into the chamber when she became the first black woman to be elected. Kate Hoey is in danger of knocking Joanna Lumley off her national treasure pedestal. Which of the men would have had the balls to tell his colleagues they had become the nasty party, as did Tory Theresa May? And the Lib Dems' Jo Swinson is a breath of fresh air. And that's before we even think about the titanic Nicola Sturgeon and Annabel Goldie.
Forget Tebbit's counsel of despair. Democracy is safe in their hands. All we need to do is go out and vote.
The full article contains 796 words and appears in Scotland On Sunday newspaper.
