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Should parents be told if their underage child is having sex?

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Published Date: 04 November 2007

YES

EILEEN McCLOY from the parents' rights group Not With My Child

"I THINK parents should be told if their children are having sex and the medical profession should be prosecuted if they do not report underage sex.

"Underage sex is physically damaging and psychologically damaging. It's not good for boys or girls. It is harmful to girls' bodies because they are not properly developed yet. Contraception is notoriously unreliable with teenagers because many of them have sex under the influence of drink or drugs and forget to use it. We know that teenagers have sex but that does not mean that as adults we should be encouraging it.

"The medical profession has taken the right away from parents to know whether their child is on contraception. These are rights for parents to protect their children.

"There is no contraceptive on this earth that is 100% effective. If adults can't always manage it and make mistakes, how can we expect children to? We still have to remind them to wash their necks. They don't do their washing and ironing, they don't cook their own food and they ask for help with their homework. Yet the health profession and others would have us believe that they are responsible enough to be making decisions about having sex.

"If my underage child came to me and said, 'Mum, I've read the Highway Code, now can I drive your car?' he would not be allowed because it would be against the law. Why should it be any different for sex under the age of consent?

"The legal age for buying cigarettes has been raised to 18. Buying alcohol under 18 is illegal. Yet when it comes to sex, health workers will go behind parents' backs and yet they hold their hands up in amazement at the high number of teenage abortions.

"If your condom fails, get an abortion; if your pill fails, get an abortion; and all of it can be done behind the backs of parents.

"Teenagers shouldn't be punished for this but given guidance, and the best person to do this is a parent. Children need to be told that this is not the best thing for them to do. They have school work and their future careers to consider.

"I would punish the medical profession for failing to tell parents. How dare they? They are aiding and abetting a crime and everyone forgets this. The age of consent was introduced to protect young girls.

"A lot of teenage girls have boyfriends who are much older. Thirteen-year-old girls are not having sex with 13-year-old boys but with boys who are older than them and that is sexual abuse.

"We should be asking ourselves why are teenagers having underage sex? Why are they searching for love and affection?"

NO


Dr STUART SCOTT, deputy chairman of the British Medical Association's Scottish GP committee

"IF THERE was a mandatory reporting of underage sex, it would all go underground. These girls would not come and seek help from doctors and other health care professionals, and they would be scared to report a sexually transmitted disease or a pregnancy. The last thing you want is a girl at risk of pregnancy or disease because they are scared to come and ask for the pill or condoms.

"It is very difficult to put in place standard guidelines for this age group because you can have a very mature 15-year-old or a very immature 15-year-old. It's a decision about whether you think the child is at risk, and if you do, you have an obligation to report them appropriately. But if we don't think they are at risk, we don't have an obligation to report them.

"As doctors, we can make them aware of the risks they are putting themselves at with this sort of behaviour and advise them to discuss the issue with their family. All you can do is be supportive because you don't want to scare them away from seeking help.

"There is a big drive to reduce teenage pregnancy. If girls get the idea that if they tell the doctor it will be reported to the police, they are not going to come near us and they will get no support.

"At the moment, they have a reasonable degree of confidence that if they tell their GP it will be kept confidential, unless they are at risk of harm of being abused, and that's something we don't want to lose.

"In terms of the ages, if you are talking about a 13-year-old girl and a 20-year-old man having sex, it would not be okay. But if it was a 14-year-old and a 17-year-old, well you can get some very immature 17-year-old boys. It's down to whether you as the GP feel it is a consensual relationship and if the girl involved is at risk of abuse.

"In fact, quite often we don't know who the other partner is, because we would not see them as a couple. We would ask about it, but they don't need to tell us the truth. If you've got a good relationship with your patient, it's to their advantage.

"It's not that uncommon that a patient under 16 would come and ask to get put on the pill. The last three times with me it has been a 15-year-old girl coming with her mother. The mothers came along and said they supported their daughters' requests. That puts your mind more at ease because the mother is aware of the relationship and what her daughter is getting up to.

"If a GP was ever to prescribe contraception for a girl under 16, we would always be encouraging them to tell their parents."

A teenager's view

SARAH, from Edinburgh, lost her virginity to her long-term boyfriend at the age of 15. The couple had been together for eight months and she felt ready to have sex despite being underage. He was also 15. Now, four years later, she has no regrets.

"We met when we were 14 and he showed an interest so we went out. I was 15 when I first had sex and at that age I thought I was in love with him. We met at high school, when he moved to my school. The whole relationship lasted two years.

"I felt that he was the one and it was right to have sex. I didn't tell my parents or any youth workers. I just felt it was my own business. I was on the pill.

"If the doctor had suggested that this was against the law I would have been quite scared. I would not have been happy at the prospect of being referred to police or social workers. But I told my friends and we talked about it. Most of my friends who were having sex at that time were in stable relationships.

"I think my parents might have been disappointed if they had found out we were having sex.

"I was lucky there were not scares, but I was very, very cautious about not getting pregnant, especially as he was my first and I was so young. We split up when we were 17 because enough was enough. A lot of my friends have relationships they regret, but I am glad about my decision. I have no regrets about my decision to have sex."

The full article contains 1261 words and appears in Scotland On Sunday newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

  • Last Updated: 03 November 2007 10:11 PM
  • Source: Scotland On Sunday
  • Location: Scotland
 
1

Charles Linskaill,

Edinburgh born and bred 04/11/2007 00:58:12

Well SARHA, SAYS IT ALL!!!! Don't She?? and 'well-done' for her!
Don't for ONE minute! get all 'self-righteous', because not one of us are.
Read, listen to her story, last part of the topic, as in
"A teenager's view" for any 'Numpties' (Scottish for Ars****) that past it, without wanting to know 'real-life' as it is!
We can be there for our teenagers, in times of help, need, and the 'Broken-Hearts', but only if they ASK and want to share it with us!! and they will if you don't PUSH them!, plus the fact you will get more info this way.
Plus the fact our Government now accepts, the fact that at anytime over 12years of age our 'teens' may have sex and
'turn-a-blind-eye' to the extent of giving 12year old girls the 'jab' to protect them from HVP related cancers!
So 'NO' Doctors have NO burden and should NOT tell the parents if their teenager is having sex!
By the way!!! I bet if it was the Boy having sex under age, it would be a different story, wouldn't it?
Don't anyone start me on this subject, or you will get
'what-for'
Because you know what I say is TRUE, even if you pretend to be 'greener-than-green', it WONT 'wash' with me!!

2

Jason,

Japan 04/11/2007 01:48:48

I'm starting to wonder if lifetime membership of the Sex Offenders' Register beckons in paedophile-crazy UK.

3

Charles Linskaill,

Edinburgh 04/11/2007 02:48:45

~2. Jason, Japan, " lifetime membership of the Sex Offenders' Register beckons in paedophile-crazy UK."
This is not 'Thailand' and pedaphillia is NOT the subject and don't come into it,
It is about our teenagers having sex with each-other, as in 'girl-boy'
One that we may have views on, through growing up as teenagers ourselves, or how it is for them, in today's world!
My reference to 12year old girls, being given the 'jab' at this age, is to portray the 'ludicrous' issue on this matter, one being, its being sold as a 'guarantee' to prevent cervical cancer, which is a,
'Dammed-out-Lie'
Govenment accepted...'Yes', but NOT as in your comment!

4

Ross Fyffe,

Scotland 04/11/2007 03:08:52

To ask this question is sick of course they should it RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the boys should be prosectuted to the fullest extent of the law NO MATTER WHAT THE GIRL SAID IN CONSENT.

EVERY boy should be told to have SEX with a girl under 16 (to young even then) is a terrible offence.

But wait I forget there is the religous ethnics who like em young and send their offspring abroad to wed some aged old guy who basically paid for her.

Then there is the teen "Ho" who spreads em like stork at the first whiff of a voddy and orange. does not matter if the guy has the IQ of a billiard ball.

This country is going down the tubes faster than even I thought and you all know I am a pessmist with plenty cause I may add

5

Ross Fyffe,

Scotland 04/11/2007 03:14:28

2 you are so right, there is the huge market for teen porn in Scotland, buying, watching, selling or having your possesion such teen porn should be an offence no matter if they are advertised as "actresses"

thats were it all starts those guys get it when they see their conquests in school uniform then they keep wanting it that young, next thing the "wife" is beiong asked to wear blouse and school tie ......... and of course there are the hookers who will dress up the same to pander to those teen sex pervs ........... get em charged, convicted, jailed and on the sex offenders register and if they have family they are prohobited from beong alone with their children .........

6

Richardinho,

04/11/2007 03:19:16

underage sex article-and illustrated with a nice 'tasteful' and 'informative' picture of a school girl on a couch snooging someone!

What a moral maze we live iin these days!

7

49th State,

Cooking pop corn in the kitchen 04/11/2007 03:21:40

Parents are to raise their children. We are responsible for them in every way until they become adults. Why then should we not be told of this dangerous behavior if it happens.

8

fife runner,

04/11/2007 07:57:34

you cannot pick and chose what laws to uphold and what not to. If for example, the teenager was having sex with a 30 year old would that be ok?

9

Mikey,

04/11/2007 08:08:31

So what would you do if you found out your 14 year old was having sex? Ground them? Perhaps criminalise them?

If the girl (or boy) is old enough to have sex with their peers, what can you do?

There are laws already in place for people who are older and take advantage of teenagers.

10

Selgovae,

Scottish Borders 04/11/2007 08:49:17

Insensitive clods at the Scotsman for printing pictures like this. It just serves to remind some of us that our better days are past.

"Parents should already know what their kids are up to."

And smart kids will make sure they don't. What kind of kid wants an open relationship with their parents? Parenting and growing up are messy. We just have to deal with it.

11

Boy Wonder,

04/11/2007 08:58:06

Don't know what all the fuss is about now. How many of our readers and posters were "at it" from around 13 upwards? I certainly was no virgin after 14 and neither were very many of the other kids in my age group. That's as in boys and girls! My partner list her virginity at the same age and she's not from around these parts.

The point is you cannot legislate what adolescents can or cannot do with each other after they start adolescence. Older people, yes ... absolutely. The idea of an adult (over 18) even just touching a child (under 16) outside of a familial hug or cuddle ... is just plain wrong, wrong, wrong in oh so many ways.

But what they do with each other is not really our business until and unless either pregnancy or STD becomes an issue. All we can really do is be open and honest and truthful about sex with them.

I was 11 when my mother gave me the "sex-talk". Not my dad ... he'd've braved a raging hurricane before he did that. Men born before the 70s were like that. But to be honest from the age of six or seven, I was already picking up a lot about sex from the streets. Much of it complete nonsense, mixed with the usual myth and legend. And some of us were "pairing off" by 10. And it still happens like that ... especially in housing estates like Granton, Pilton, Wester Hailes and Niddrie!

Frankly, as long as its not a sick paedo ... you won't stop it. And you won't know. So you have to sell them the condom message and get your daughters on the pill as early as you can ... purely for their own safety ... and your peace of mind!

#10 Rulersbutnotrulers is wrong. Parent will never always know what their kids are up to. Kids like to keep secrets. Good parenting is knowing when to back off and when to intervene. And helping to raise as well-adjusted a child as possible, despite all the cr*p that's going to happen to them. It's called life!

12

Boy Wonder,

04/11/2007 08:59:43

BTW ... I repeat ... any boy even touches my daughters had better be good at running!! Or potential husband-material!! :(

13

Wes Q Mantooth II,

04/11/2007 10:12:43

I'm worried that I might have to ditch my laptop after looking at that photograph by Tony Marsh. Surely we're all paedophiles now? Thanks the Scotsman you've done us all up the Gary Glitter.

14

Charles Linskaill,

Edinburgh 04/11/2007 10:47:24

~13. BW, So glad your not my Dad! ;-)

15

Toast,

04/11/2007 11:06:20

When will parents accept responcibility,if they are so out of touch with their children and so lacking in control that they have no idea what their kids are getting up to perhaps they should seriously consider their commitment to their kids and if that means working less and giving up the second holiday or new car so be it,children require a lot of attention and time not just 10mins at the weekend

16

megz,

Glasgow 04/11/2007 11:20:25

#10 i generally don't agree with the comments you make (politically) but i agree that parents should have a good relationship with their kids and be able to talk about these things. Too often people are bleating on about the nannystate then complain that the government aren't doing enough, they really should be taking responsibility for their own children.

17

Kobi,

04/11/2007 11:28:39

#4

"To ask this question is sick of course they should it RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the boys should be prosectuted to the fullest extent of the law NO MATTER WHAT THE GIRL SAID IN CONSENT."

Absolute complete and utter garbage. If two 15 year olds are having consensual sex (as in the example given), that is not in the slightest bit close to being rape.

If you think that criminalising the boy, while giving the girl a free pass to do whatever she wants without having to take responsibilty for her actions will help the problem, then you are seriously deluded.

18

Boy Wonder,

04/11/2007 11:35:32

#15. Ditto Charles ... ditto!! :)))

19

Charles Linskaill,

Edinburgh 04/11/2007 11:45:15

~19 Boy Wonder!, by the way Question? and applies to everyone else!
#13 "BTW ... I repeat ... any boy even touches my daughters had better be good at running!! Or potential husband-material!!"
If it was your SONS, and some 'highly-hormonal' Girls started chasing your boy wonder juniors and trying to 'lure' them to the bed.
I bet you would not feel the same way as in your post #13!
And Why Not? (only curious as this IS a fact is it not?)

20

Suzi B,

04/11/2007 12:09:40

I have to agree with #11 Selgovae. Smart kids make sure their parents don't know what they are up to.

All you can do for your children is discuss sex and sexuality with them, and talk about your own beliefs but realise that your children are likely not to share your views. By the time your kids are mid teens they listen to their peers far more than they do their parents anyway, and a lot of the time what you say falls on deaf ears. After all, what do we know about sex? Teenagers like to think that their parents only had sex to make them and their siblings and the thought of anything else is just plain gross! Thinking that you have any credibility on this subject with your kids is just a huge mistake!

21

TimW1234,

Ottawa, Canada 04/11/2007 12:41:38

I heartily agree with Charles Linskaill and Boy Wonder.

I was "at it" with a vengeance whenst 14 and a fun time was had by all.

My parents were enlightened and said "'Timmie' will do WHATEVER he wants, wherever he wants, and with whomever he wants. He's uncontrollable but he is our favourite child".

I was their "favourite child because I was the most charming, intellectually gifted, and most handsome of the males - I have two older brothers.

Now that I am getting the pain out of my shoulders for patting myself on the back, I will proceed.

Young teenagers will have sex no matter how many barriers and strictures are imposed on them.

I find the self-righteous tone by that insufferable prig Eileen McCloy to be self-righteous, mean-spirited, and CLOYING.

22

Boy Wonder,

04/11/2007 12:57:18

#20. Charlie, my post at #13 wasn't meant to be taken too seriously!! I suppose I'm just like any dad there though. As for sons, I don't have any, so I don't know, but I have a nephew who's turning 15 soon and HE'S a big enough worry now that he's thinking about girls. I worry about him as much as my girls. I think it's time for the tranqs to go into his food and drink?? :))

23

TimW1234,

Ottawa, Canada 04/11/2007 14:15:06

Boudica again in Glasgow

Why don't you just shut up, you killjoy.

I never did anything risky and never impregnated anyone.

Now, why don't you shove something large in your piehole - unless you are a bulldyke, you numptie.

24

Ms Fiona,

04/11/2007 15:05:31

Now now Tim don't be so harsh. It can be difficult for parents to accept that their kids are going to do exactly what they did when they were that age. It makes you feel old ! I should know I'm the mum !

25

,

04/11/2007 15:52:13
Comment Removed By Administrator
Reason:
26

Centurion2,

Glasgow 04/11/2007 17:07:32

It should be borne in mind that, to a doctor, a patient is simply that, and he/she has no responsibility or care for the overall wellbeing of that patient.

The people who care most for and will protect children are their parents, who should be fully informed if their children are having illegal sex, irrespective of the views of sexual anarchists such as some of the contributors to this forum.

27

KATHY A ATHEY,

http://tinyurl.com/39bssq 04/11/2007 17:18:41

I think its only fair that parents are told, as its far better being told first, than finding the video of it on their kids mobiles.

Su$ck Mc$Cru$nch$ie

28

,

04/11/2007 17:19:58
Comment Removed By Administrator
Reason:
29

,

04/11/2007 17:32:46
Comment Removed By Administrator
Reason:
30

Kobi,

04/11/2007 18:46:17

#33

A 15 year old having sex with a 15 year old is not a child molester.

31

Charles Linskaill,

Edinburgh 04/11/2007 18:58:06

~34. Kobi, Agreed, many of the posts entirely miss the point and are 'hell-bent' on speaking 'dribble'!

32

Eleana,

Midlothian 04/11/2007 18:59:49

I find it strange that most comments about this are from men! It is rather suspicious that men should be showing such interest about this subject. Many of the extreme comments have no evidence base at all. Prescribers of contraception are professionally qualified to determine whether girls/boys understand what they are doing and the consequences. When young people can demonstrate this understanding, confidentiality may not be broken unless harm to the person is perceived. This is the law and medics could be prosecuted for breaching confidentiality. As everyone is aware, teenagers will find a way of doing something they want to do regardless of the underage issue. The best we can do is give them knowledge and information and hope they follow it through knowing how to seek help.

33

Charles Linskaill,

Edinburgh 04/11/2007 19:09:38

If that's the only thing on their minds, its well seeing how they think and certainly, (if parents) in no fit state for any GP, to tell them their teenager is having sex, this is why its not for the GP to tell the parents.
This is why GP's reserve the right not to tell the Parents and quite rightly so!!

34

Kobi,

04/11/2007 19:14:12

#36

"It is rather suspicious that men should be showing such interest about this subject."

Perhaps it is something to do with the fact that 50% of parents are men?

35

Charles Linskaill,

Edinburgh 04/11/2007 19:43:42

~38. Kobi, 'Well-Said', I have had two teenage Daughters that I have brought up into responsible young Adults, throughout their 'teens' I did not have to 'spy' on them and knew they had boyfriends.

36

wattie>x 1,

04/11/2007 20:50:11

They should by her a chastity belt for Christmas!

37

Kobi,

04/11/2007 22:27:25

#41

"You sound rather suspicious that so many men are having the temerity to pass comments on this particular thread"

No. I was quoting Eleana at #36 in order to rebut her point. I don't find it suspicious at all.

After all its well known that women have not yet mastered using computers to post on here/have got better things to do than be a saddo on here.

;-)

38

Ross Fyffe,

Scotland 05/11/2007 01:19:04

Kobi, a fifteen girl CANNOTCONSENT LEGALLY TO HAVING SEX therefore it is rape .......... and the boy teenager or adult needs put on sex offenders registaer after a lenghty sentence and sex counselling

39

Brian Hill,

05/11/2007 01:32:43

This difficult subject is made more difficult by a lot of knee jerk laws on child sexuality passed over almost 3 decades.

Today we are being tied up in knots over teenage sexuality because the child abuse laws are so numerous, so strict and so badly thought out.

In the States boys as young as 10 are finding themselves on the sex offenders register for having 'consensual sex’ with girls or other boys under 16. Doctors and nurses has become a very dangerous game over there.

Problem is, no one under 16 is capable of 'consent' therefore all sex in that age group is now theoretically abuse irrespective of the age of the participants and so the merry-go-round goes on.

The medical profession is taking a very child centred, pragmatic line here and giving young people what they need to see them successfully through their early sexual experiences.

I think we should leave them to get on with it, meanwhile society might think about introducing a bit of realism into current age of consent laws.

40

Kobi,

05/11/2007 11:58:22

#44

" fifteen girl CANNOTCONSENT LEGALLY TO HAVING SEX therefore it is rape"

Sorry, that is NOT the law in Scotland. It is not rape, unless the male is significantly older, at which point it becomes statutory rape. With two 15 year olds, of what ever sex, it is not rape.

In any event, why if it is consensual, do you assume that the boy should be the one charged? As girls at that age are generally more mature than boys, it makes far more sense for the girl to be charged with sexual assault if anyone was to be charged. Not that anyone should be.

41

Jarrett and Giles,

library at hayward 06/02/2008 12:35:07
i dont think they sud know, wat if there mum was a killer and want her daughter to be a virgin forever

 

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