MANY of us, especially if we are Scottish, have had a hellish upbringing. That is no reflection on our parents but a condemnation of the fear-filled faith which dominated our young lives.
For generations, Protestant and Catholic, we Scots were conditioned by doom-laden, sanctimonious, Holy Willie-style religion. When we were good, it was because we were afraid of the hellfire-and-damnation consequences of being bad.
Even as childr
en, we said to each other: "Ooh! You said a swearie word! You'll go to the burning fire!"
We grew up believing in Heaven for some and Hell for most of us - and we just knew whither we were bound. To this day, when I commit one of my many minor peccadilloes, I swear I get a whiff of sulphur.
The sure-fire certainty of eternal punishment for those who leave their repentance too late was summed up by the old story of the Scottish preacher who seared his congregation's consciences with the sermon: "When you are in the inner ring of Hell and the demons are spearing you wi' their forks and your flesh is being scorched by the eternal fires of damnation, you will cry out: 'Lord, Lord, I didna ken!'
"And the Lord will reply: 'Aye, well, ye ken noo!'"
(By the way, I was always taught that Hell should have a capital 'H' because it is the proper name of a place - like Cumbernauld, say. The poet Shelley thought: "Hell is a city much like London.")
In these anything-goes atheistic times, only religious fundamentalists still believe in Hell. If asked whether we fear damnation, our answer is a couldn't-care-less "What the Hell?" Most people regard the concept of a place of everlasting punishment, where there will be 'weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth', as a hideous horror story concocted to frighten the ignorant into the comforting arms of the church.
So it is understandable that Pope Benedict thinks it is damnable that we no longer talk about the Other Place. What he actually said last week was milder: "Hell, about which little gets said today, exists and is eternal for those who shut their hearts to His love."
The former Vatican enforcer is a back-to-basics conservative Catholic and sees the job of the 265th Pope as preserving the body of faith bequeathed by the previous 264.
The new Catechism of the Catholic Church affirms the existence of Hell and Pope Benedict has described it as a state of separation, "the loneliness into which love can no longer reach".
These days, it is unfashionable to cite the terrifying vision of Revelations: "The fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."
Strangely, the Christian and Jewish Hells are hot but if you are Norse you will freeze in Hell. Bible-bashing American evangelists paint a blood-curdling picture of souls in a hellhole where "real fire barbecues their bodies, and worms eat their flesh... this hideous scene is to continue day and night for trillions of billions of quadrillions of centuries upon centuries for EVER!"
The Chinese, always a practical people, believe you can buy an easier time in Hell. In any graveyard, you will see Hell Bank notes fluttering in the wind, to buy a shorter stay or comforts in the afterlife. For the more modern, there are Hell Bank credit cards with the deceased's name and posthumous credit rating.
We all have our own ideas of Hell, although some fear it less than others. Mark Twain suggested "Heaven for its climate, Hell for the company", and Isaac Asimov agreed: "Whatever the tortures of Hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse."
When I worked for Lord Beaverbrook (believe it or not, as religious affairs correspondent), I was told that as the son of a Presbyterian minister he believed in predestination and knew he was marked out for Hell. So he could be as nasty as he wanted in this life, because it would not make any difference.
Others believe Hell is inside us and cite George Eliot's "Hell is oneself, Hell is alone", and Milton's "Myself am Hell". Sartre famously said Hell is other people. My own idea of Hell is being strapped to a chair and forced to watch endless re-runs of reality TV shows such as Big Brother, I'm A Celebrity, anything with Dale Winton and sports reports from females who flutter their eyelashes and wave their arms about. There is a bar stocked with the finest wines and malt whiskies but the chair delivers a 1,000-volt shock if I even think of having a drink. And there is only salad and sago to eat.
Or being given a life sentence to the Hades that is the Scottish Parliament, to sit through a never-ending First Minister's Questions with the infernal Jack McConnell and the damned Nicola Sturgeon or, worse, the diabolical Alex Salmond. Lord, I promise I'll be good!
There is a simple reason why, in our post-Christian secular society, Hell holds no terrors. Robert Herrick may have been half-right when he suggested: "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."
We live in an era of man-made global catastrophes... senseless wars... suicide bombers... Aids... drugs and crime... millions dying in appalling poverty and disease while the prosperous millions look on with unconcern...
Who needs a mythical Hell when we are making such a good job of creating a real Hell on earth?
The full article contains 957 words and appears in Scotland On Sunday newspaper.
