Brief encounters

THE CAST: Tanyalee Davis is 3'6" tall. Daniel Vivian is 6'8". They meet to discuss bodily proportions and basketball.

TD: So where are you from, again?

DV: I was born in Eastern Bosnia. How about you?

TD: Manitoba, Canada.

DV: I emigrated to Canada in 1996. My family now live on the east coast.

TD: I've never really been out east - I went to north Hollywood and Vancouver, and then I went to Los Angeles.

DV: Have you been in the movies?

TD: I've been in independent movies. I did Austin Powers 3 [Austin Powers in Goldmember] - I did what's called the teaser, re-enacting a scene from the movie - it was really fun. Verne Troyer played Mini Me, and I was one of his go-go dancing bitches!

DV: I worked with a guy who was in Austin Powers - Seth Green. He's a very good actor - we worked together on Knockaround Guys - I was standing-in.

TD: Oh really?

DV: I've done it twice in my life: X-Men and that one. They've not got so many tall actors to do stand-in!

TD: You do stand-in for tall actors, I can do stand-in for babies and children! Yay - our careers are on fire!

DV: But really ... people start calling you "tall guy", or "hey you!"

TD: Or "up there!"

DV: If they start calling you by your name you're a movie star!

TD: That's what we're aspiring to be - called by our names! [Laughs ... points to the picture on Dan's flyer, which is lying on the table] Is that really your hair?

DV: No. I can put the wig on though. [pulls out a curly wig, and puts some tights over his head]

TD: You know it's funny, I've got a gag - it's not in this show, but I put my tights up and on over my head, and you put yours on from the top down!

DV: [finishes putting the wig on] This is the wig.

TD: Very nice - you could be a showgirl ... I'm sure there are a couple of drag shows you could get on!

DV: Maybe after a couple of drinks! What is your show about?

TD: Our show's called Abnormally Funny People, and it's a combination of five disabled comedians and one token non-disabled guy, who is like a compere. I never really wanted to be on an all-disabled show, but it's turned out to be something I'm really proud of. Although I find in the UK you have to work a lot harder than with North American audiences, because British audiences - more than Scottish audiences, I love Scottish audiences - British audiences tend to be really uptight. It's like pulling teeth, and they still don't give a response, yet when I come off stage they go, "You were brilliant, you were great!" - and I'm like, "Why did you just sit there then?"

DV: It's just one man in my show.

TD: Well that's hard.

DV: I play 50 characters ... usually they're smaller than me. I have different props for different characters. And when I'm in Canada I wear a Canadian hat.

TD: With big flaps over the ears? And maple syrup?

DV: Oh yeah. And big Canadian shoes. And when I'm in Italy I wear my curly wig, and Italian shoes.

TD: That's a lot of costume changes. What's your show about then?

DV: It's sort of biographical, it's about a basketball player born in eastern Bosnia, and he travels through Italy, Canada, and then the UK. So I have a basketball, but mine is not the normal size. [pulls out a smaller than average basketball]

TD: Oh, that's my size! Did you play basketball in every country?

DV: I did but I was crap! You told me you tried for the National Basketball Association.

TD: Yeah, my failed NBA career. That's why I'm in comedy - they used me as the ball!

DV: I once did a commercial for basketball, I met a very tall guy - Shaquille O'Neal.

TD: Yeah, yeah, I have a picture with Shaquille.

DV: He's a cool guy.

TD: He was really pissed the night I met him. I don't think that he remembers meeting me!

DV: If you say to someone who is fat, "Wow, you're really fat!" it's offensive, but if you're tall people always look at you and say "Wow, you're tall!"

TD: Exactly - stating the obvious.

DV: But women generally ask me, "Are you proportional?"

TD: Where's the honesty there?

DV: I can be a good liar - but not today!

TD: There's only so far you can get away with it! When the trousers come off ...

DV: Well, they do implants!

TD: Yes, very handy. I can go shopping around for my husband! [Her voice starts to get a little raspy]

DV: You'd sound very sexy on the phone.

TD: Oh shut up, it's because I have no voice left - that's what drinking does! [Puts on a husky voice] "What are you wearing, is it a wig?" Aaah! "Are you proportioned?" Aaah!

Tanyalee Davis is in Abnormally Funny People, at the Pleasance Dome until 28 August; Daniel Vivian is in Happiness, How Much Does It Cost?, C Central, until 29 August