The Lunchbyte - Monday

WELCOME to The Lunchbyte - tasty morsels of news, gossip and gab from Scotland on Sunday.

RED TOP REVIEW
Alongside appeals for the public to dip into their pockets for Burma comes a good old-fashioned WAGs tale of frippery and extravagance to reassure us that the world hasn't gone completely mad. The soon-to-be Mrs Wayne Rooney, Coleen McLoughlin – not content with a £3m wedding that is only weeks away – splashed out a reported £20,000 on her hen party celebrations in Manchester at the weekend. Rooney heads for Ibiza in a few weeks – stand by for a re-enactment of Kevin and Perry Go Large.

For all those who returned to work last week after a sickie with a suspiciously good tan, watch out. New phone technology, called the Voice Risk Analysis system, is at employers' disposal when staff call in with their excuses for "not making it in today". The machine, which acts as a lie detector, spots changes in a caller's voice that may indicate they are being economical with the truth, the Daily Record reports. That'll be the slurping sound of sun cream being squeezed out of the tube, and the crack... fizz... as you open another beer.

Daniela Nardini may have long since flown the family nest, but Nardini's ice-cream empire in Largs is set to be rescued from the history books thanks to entrepreneur David Equi's £2m investment in the family's original Ayrshire cafe in Largs. Equi plans to open the refurbished cafe by June, under the Nardini's name and with the original recipes.

TELEVISION
By Fiona Leith

Revealing Phil

Just when you thought his only duty was to go round the country and offend people in a royally cavalier fashion, Prince Philip tonight reveals a side of him the public rarely see, in conversation with Trevor McDonald. The Palace no doubt thought The Duke: A Portrait of Prince Philip (ITV, 9pm) would be an inspired PR exercise. More than likely it will just provide endless gags for aspiring comedians looking for an easy target.

Best on-demand
Madonna made her return to the UK stage on Saturday night, with her performance at Radio 1's One Big Weekend festival. If the sound of a 49-year-old panting down the mic wasn't enough, you can watch/download the lycra-defying diva's performance in the flesh courtesy of BBC iplayer until Saturday.

SPORT
By Graham Bean
No doubting the story that resonated most in Scottish football at the weekend: the astonishing verbal attack by Dundee United manager Craig Levein on referee Mike McCurry.

And there's no sign of the Tannadice club backing down. They are now taking legal advice about McCurry's performance, after the referee disallowed a United a goal and denied them a penalty in the 3-1 defeat by Rangers at Ibrox. United are also expected to lodge an official complaint with the SFA. Levein, meanwhile, can expect to be hammered by the governing body over claims McCurry "bottled" the big decisions. There's history between the United manager and the SFA, so expect this one to run and run.

It's a huge week for Rangers who travel to Manchester today for Wednesday's UEFA Cup final with Zenit St Petersburg. No Scottish club has won the trophy before and Walter Smith's side remain on course for a clean sweep of honours. More than 100,000 Rangers fans are expected in Manchester, despite the Ibrox club only receiving 13,000 tickets.

Game of the day: Leeds United v Carlisle United (7.45pm, live on Sky Sports 1). Fallen giants Leeds begin the slow climb back to the big time with the first leg of their League One play-off semi-final under the guidance of former Scotland captain Gary McAllister.

FASHION
By Kayt Turner
The GLAAD Media Awards in San Francisco on Saturday night brought out some old familiar faces...

Candy - busting out all over

CANDIS CAYNE
Well, we suppose that being a woman, pretending to be a man, pretending to be a woman, would mean the Dirty Sexy Money star takes every opportunity to show the world that she is, er, a woman?

JENNIFER BEALS
What a feeling we have that Flashdance's Jennifer Beals has spilt something down her dress. Maybe a little less Ribena in the limo next time.

SHARON STONE
Sharon may well be Glaad to be out and about, but you wouldn't guess it from this vague expression. Maybe the crystals round her neck have her in a trance.

BUSINESS
By Rosemary Gallagher

Customers could face another hike in their fuel bills as Centrica today warns that higher gas and power prices will put pressure on profits.

Centrica, the owner of British and Scottish Gas, said that wholesale gas and electricity prices were up 92% and 100%, respectively, compared year ago. If it decides to pass these rises on to customers, other power companies are likely to follow suit.

INTERNET
By Murdo MacLeod
Website of the day: www.macchiato.com/distance
If last week's tropical weather had you digging out the Rough Guides and planning a summer adventure, this little beauty might help you gauge whether your trip can be of Bear Gryllis proportions, or slightly less taxing on the air miles. The site works out the distance between any two points on the earth. It includes a good smattering of the world's cities, but also allows you to add your own by punching in the longitude and latitude. The little graphics look disconcertingly like those Cold War diagrams of missiles being launched. Glasgow to Hanoi is 5,760 miles.


The On Switch
Murdo MacLeod

TIP OF THE WEEK
If you store lots of pictures and video clips on your computer you will soon find that the machine begins to operate much more slowly. Use Disk Defragmenter to speed things up.

If you are using Windows XP or Vista, click on the 'Start' button in the bottom left-hand corner. Within the short menu that appears, select 'Programs'. Within the 'Programs', select 'Accessories', which is near the top of the menu. Then choose 'System Tools'. Within 'System Tools' choose 'Disk Defragmenter'. A box will appear on the screen. Click on the button marked 'Defragment'. Leave the computer on for at least an hour while the program does its work. It will alert you when it is finished.

The technical bit: The program helps by reorganising the data on the hard drive of the computer. When a computer saves data, such as picture or a video clip, it does so by saving little bits of data on free spaces all over the hard disk drive, rather like a lazy schoolboy stuffing his things away in every nook and cranny. Defragmenting the drive is the equivalent of getting the little tyke to organise his room so he knows where all his stuff is.

BLUNDER OF THE WEEK

Aloud and Proud

Almost half a million people have been caught out by a fake file, according to the computer security firm McAfee.

The file is written to appear as a music track, short video or movie and has been widely planted on file-sharing networks to snare victims. Some versions of the dodgy files appear to be the Girls Aloud song 'St Trinians'.

Once downloaded the file bombards users with pop-up ads and viruses.

TECHNOLOGY TO WATCH
A new form of wireless mobile internet will cover the UK within two years, according to technology giant Intel.

The company is pushing forward with a plan to cover the UK with a network known as WiMax which will allow computer users to connect to the internet and send e-mails without needing a home internet connection or to be near a wireless internet link. Current Wi-Fi networks typically have a range of about 10 to 50 metres – WiMax signals cover hundreds of miles.

---

Check us out every weekeday for the latest news, gossip and gab from Scotland on Sunday