Miscellany

CATCH UP ON THE WEEK

SUNDAY

Workers at Grangemouth oil refinery started a two-day walkout over pensions. Some filling stations ran out of fuel and supplies were shipped in from Europe.

MONDAY

Austrian man Josef Fritzl was taken into custody for imprisoning, beating and raping his daughter for 24 years, and fathering seven children by her. Only two years ago another Austrian woman, Natascha Kampusch, was freed from her kidnapper after eight years in custody.

TUESDAY

The United Nations set up a task force to help those worldwide who are struggling to feed themselves because of soaring food costs. There are fears high prices could spark social unrest.

WEDNESDAY

Russian scientists used DNA testing to identify the bodies of the last two missing children of Tsar Nicholas II. The Tsar and his family were murdered in 1918 but the bodies of Crown Prince Alexi, above, and Grand Duchess Maria had not been identified.

THURSDAY

English and Welsh voters gave Prime Minister Gordon Brown a bloody nose as local elections earned Labour its worst result for 40 years. The party lost 331 of its 1,800 council seats – and Boris Johnson was elected London's first Conservative mayor.

FRIDAY

Two men who demanded £50,000 from a Royal Family member for tapes featuring gay sex claims were jailed for blackmail. Ian Strachan and Sean McGuigan were jailed for five years each for attempting to extort money from the unnamed royal.

WHAT THE PAPERS SAID

…about shock figures on children drinking

DAILY MAIL

Where are the parents? The revelation that 648 drunken children have been recorded in a five-week period, along with other horrifying statistics, exposes a deep social malaise in Scottish family life.

DAILY EXPRESS

We all have a part to play. The parents who show no example by drinking heavily in front of their offspring; the customer who buys alcohol for underage drinkers; the shopkeeper who turns a blind eye; the pubs that sell alcohol at a lower price than a bottle of water are all part of the problem.

DAILY RECORD

Our next generation of problem drinkers are starting even younger. Young people should be told again and again that public health experts have proved that if you drink heavily you can kill yourself in between five and 15 years.

THE SCOTSMAN

Unless the drinks industry voluntarily takes a longer look in the mirror regarding how it markets its products, it will end up in the same regulatory vice as the tobacco business.

BEST OF THE BLOGS

Total belief in anything is treason against everything. I owe that position to my Christian upbringing. I ended not believing a bloody word. One great truth remains. Never believe what anyone tells you; especially if he's a minister of religion. A minister taught me fear of Hell. He taught me so well that when I was nine years old I went into convulsions and had to be taken home in a taxi.

• Ian Hamilton QC, www.ianhamiltonqc.com/wordpress

When I was househunting last year, I came very close to putting in an offer for a surprisingly well-priced two-bed flat. Only at the last minute did I discover that the house next door was what the estate agent described as a "halfway house" – ie, a bail hostel. No need to worry, the estate agent explained, if these chaps were a risk they wouldn't let them out of prison.

• Fraser Nelson, www.spectator.co.uk/coffeehouse

The unseemly rush to have the Crewe & Nantwich by-election can only mean one thing – Labour are worried. Guido can't recall an election being called before the body was buried before. They obviously hope to prevent the opposition organising themselves and exploit the warm goodwill that still lingers from Gwyneth Dunwoody. It suggests that they hope to get all the bad news out of the way before the summer. In time no doubt for yet another Brown re-launch.

• Guido Fawkes, www.order-order.com

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"Do we really require so many gardening programmes, makeover programmes or celebrity chefs?"

Sir David Attenborough blasts BBC for letting lifestyle shows "run rampant"

It could have been a great big romance because I was crazy for him."

Cher, about her relationship with Tom Cruise, who she dated in the early 80s

"We nearly took Madeleine out to dinner with us – if only"

Gerry and Kate McCann, one year on from their daughter's disappearance

"We are storing up enormous problems. I don't think that we can underestimate it."

Scottish medic Dr Bill Morrison, who has treated drunk children as young as eight

"Even though I have made what seems like 100 records, every time I put one out, it's like the first time and the best time."

Madonna, whose 11th studio album was released last week

"If we aren't working then we probably only talk around once a year. If you are stuck on the road for two and a half years together, you've said just about everything you've got to say to one another."

Keith Richards, who likes to stay away from his bandmates in the off season

"The spirit of Scottish football is to always try and make things happen."

Lorenzo Amoruso, former Ibrox captain

RIP: ALBERT HOFMANN

1906 – 2008

Old Hippies will be in mourning for Albert Hofmann, the father of the mind-altering drug LSD. The Swiss chemist discovered lysergic acid diethylamide-25 in 1938 while studying the medicinal uses of a fungus found on wheat. It was banned in the late Sixties. "I produced the substance as a medicine. It's not my fault if people abused it," Hofmann once said. He became the first human guinea pig of the drug when a tiny amount seeped on to his finger in 1943 and he began experiencing what he called "wonderful visions".

THE WEEK ON THE WEB

What would we do without the internet? Well, for a start we wouldn't know the proper way to fold a t-shirt.

www.howtofoldashirt.net

It's cheating, we know, but this website will solve your Rubik's Cube problems – without peeling off the stickers. Just key in the colours on your particular cube and click on "solve".

www.wrongway.org/cube/solve.html

Viewed by 21 million people online, this young man singing a curious song called 'Chocolate Rain' is one of the current sensations on YouTube. What a voice!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v>EwTZ2xpQwpA

TABLOID TALK

It was a bit of an own goal, to say the least. Superstar football player Ronaldo had an off the field encounter in Brazil with cross-dressing prostitutes. The AC Milan striker acknowledged to police he knew they were prostitutes but did not realise they were men until getting to a motel in the early hours, when one allegedly tried to extort money from him to hide the story from the media. Police said he committed no crime. Prostitution is legal in Brazil. Ronaldo's sponsorship contracts would not be affected by the alleged incident, his spokesman said.