Miscellany

CATCH UP ON THE WEEK

SUNDAY

Tibetan protesters seeking independence clashed with Chinese soldiers. Tibet's exiled spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama, said 80 Tibetans had died in the violence and that he would step down if it would bring peace.

MONDAY

Financial markets around the world slid as panic over the US banking crisis gained momentum. Britain's high street banks were forced to appeal to the Bank of England to make available £23bn in emergency funds.

TUESDAY

Landmark legislation was passed in Kenya to allow both President Mwai Kibaki and opposition leader Raila Odinga to share power to end post-election violence that has left 1,000 people dead.

WEDNESDAY

First Minister Alex Salmond opened a £90m biomass power station near Lockerbie. The E.ON station converts waste timber into energy and can power 70,000 homes.

THURSDAY

The fifth anniversary of the Iraq war was marked by anti-war protests and reassurances from US and UK leaders about the country's future. The war has cost the lives of 175 British soldiers, nearly 4,000 US soldiers and the lives of at least 100,000 Iraqi civilians.

FRIDAY

Doctors at Gartnavel General Hospital in Glasgow confirmed they were treating the UK's first diagnosed case of the drug-resistant XDR tuberculosis strain. The sufferer was reported to have come to the UK from Somalia.

GOOD WEEK

Halle Berry

The Oscar-winning actress is doing well after giving birth to a baby girl. In Hollywood tradition the youngster has picked up an unusual name, Nahla Ariela, Hebrew for 'drink of water' and 'lion for God'. "I wanted this for so long," said the 41-year-old Berry.

BAD WEEK

Sarah Jessica Parker

She may be the star of Sex And The City, but Sarah Jessica Parker has been voted the "unsexiest woman alive" by readers of top men's magazine Maxim. The actress, also the face of several perfume lines, Gap clothing campaigns and Garnier cosmetics, said the results of the poll were "shocking" and "brutal" and that her husband Matthew Broderick was also offended.


WHAT THE PAPERS SAID

... the McCartney-Mills divorce settlement

THE SUN

Money-hungry Heather is Britain's newest multi-millionaire. Yet she accepted this award with her usual sour defiance, accusing ex-hubby Sir Paul of cheating their daughter Beatrice and putting her safety at risk. She goes home with £24m after four years of stormy wedlock. That's £6m a year – or £16,000 a night. A lot more than she earned in her early career as a glamour model and escort to rich Arabs.

THE MIRROR

Well, she was never going to go quietly, was she? In the mother of all rants Heather Mills erupted like a volcano spewing fire and brimstone outside the High Court. Sir Paul made a dignified exit leaving his ex to continue her impersonation of a demented fishwife. Most women having just pocketed £24.3m might have beaten a hasty retreat while quietly thanking the money god for this good fortune. But no.

DAILY RECORD

Mills's outbursts have brought her nothing but ridicule. And she couldn't help having another go outside the court. But perhaps she will now realise it's time to stop out of the limelight. Perhaps.

BEST OF THE BLOGS

In Shapinsay, Easter has grabbed a few people's imagination. Hushed voices and secret phone calls are gripping the island. A consignment of eggs from doon sooth all fertilised and ready for the hatching were secretly smuggled onto the island. Once in the incubator they were cared for and watched over by grown men all eager to see if their brood was better than the next. Midnight phonecalls were heard.

"Does the cheeping from inside the egg mean that the chick is in distress?"

"Should I assist the poor thing into the world?"

Proud parents watching over the peedie balls of fluff in awe of the miracle. These tiny fluffy miracles would soon be grown into fat plump birds. And the cycle goes on again.

On Top Of Ward Hill, BBC Island Blogging, www.bbc.co.uk/scotland/islandblogging/blogs/005299/

I hugged the Twat and told him how lucky I was to have him.

"It'll be seven years together this September – plus the eighteen months of correspondence before that."

"Yup," he replied, giving my arse a good squeeze.

"When did you start liking me?"

"About two weeks ago."

My Boyfriend Is A Twat, www.myboyfriendisatwat.com

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

"I never knew doing good could feel so good."

X Factor judge Simon Cowell, who paid off a US couple's £80,000 mortgage so they can help pay for their daughter's cancer treatment

"The anger is real; it is powerful. And to simply wish it away, to condemn it without understanding its roots, only serves to widen the chasm of misunderstanding that exists between the races."

Barack Obama's speech on being black, which has been compared to JFK's speech on being Catholic

"How this action will help the good people of Falkirk sleep easier in their beds at night I cannot imagine."

East Fife supporter Eugene Clarke, after police cancelled the team's champagne victory party to celebrate their success in winning the league for the first time in 60 years.

"It is like going to the dentist and having the secretary pull your teeth out – it is very dangerous."

Top French food critic François Simon, who blasted the inexperienced chefs in Gordon Ramsay's new Versailles restaurant

"I struggle with low self-esteem all the time. I have so much wrong with me, it's unbelievable."

Angelina Jolie accentuates the positive

"The Dalai Lama is a wolf wrapped in a robe, a monster with human face and animal's heart."

Tibet's Communist Party Leader Zhang Qingli on anti-Beijing riots

R.I.P - ANTHONY MINGHELLA

January 6, 1954 – March 18, 2008

Born on the Isle of Wight, it was while studying English and Drama at Hull University, that Anthony Minghella met the TV playwright Alan Plater who encouraged him to write. His big breakthrough came in 1991 when he wrote and directed Truly, Madly, Deeply, and he went on to direct hugely successful films such as The English Patient, The Talented Mr Ripley and Cold Mountain. Producer David Puttnam said Minghella was "a very special person... frankly, he was far too young to have gone".

THE WEEK ON THE WEB

There have been plenty of glum faces around Gretna after the footballing fairytale went sour. But here is a harmonious reminder of happier days. Sing along to the official club song. Altogether now: "We're living the dream!"

A Peterhead joker was seen by thousands when a video of him being swung from a crane appeared on the net. The latter-day Harold Lloyd was fired for 'gross misconduct'.

Those kind people at the Scottish Screen Archive have recently put dozens of fascinating films online. Roll back the years and watch long-haired student leader Gordon Brown when he was cool and left-wing.

TABLOID TALK

It was a severe case of getting knickers in a twist. Kim Walker, a 37-year-old nurse, suffered toxic shock after putting on a pair of "fat buster" pants. She told the Scottish Sun she was at work in Edinburgh's Royal Infirmary when the reaction reached its peak. She said: "I couldn't breathe. Anaphylactic shock is extremely life-threatening and I could have died if I'd been at home when it happened." She said she believed fibres in the £4 knickers, used to absorb moisture, were to blame. A spokesman for Primark – the knickers were bought in its Greenock store – said all its products were rigorously tested but it would be happy to investigate the case.