YOU can always tell when the silly season has arrived. Important issues are swept from the headlines in favour of items which are, well, plain silly.
Personal finance silly season stories that raise their heads every summer include insurance against being abducted by aliens from outer space, funeral plans for pets and how to become a property millionaire with a £5 deposit.
I've written plenty o
f silly season stories myself, except in my case they have a ridiculous habit of coming true. I thought postcode annuities was a silly season story when I wrote it five years ago. Today Norwich Union and Legal & General rate annuity payments according to your address, which is good news for Scots, who gain from this approach.
Fatties' insurance was another I had fun with over a quiet summer long gone. Little did I think my tongue-in-cheek prediction that insurers would rate premiums according to weight would soon come true.
So it was with a sinking heart I realised this silly season had arrived early when I heard David Davis doing a passable impersonation of Blackadder with an impassioned speech at Westminster along the lines of: "A man may fight for many things: his country, his friends, his principles, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child…"
Not that I don't admire his stand on protecting our civil liberties, but with an oil tanker strike, the housing market in deep disarray, repossessions and negative equity growing, mounting job losses, the economy bracing for a hard landing and several sectors such as banking and building in meltdown, it all seems an unnecessary distraction.
I'll be livid if these stories are wiped off the front page to make room for a Chaucerian saga of the Haltemprice and Howden Tales, with former Sun editor Kelvin MacKenzie in a starring role.
Meanwhile, back in the real world, on Tuesday we are expecting the latest bad news on inflation when the Bank of England releases an update on the consumer prices index; predicted to top 3%, killing dead any hope of a speedy interest rate cut. HBOS is shortly to publish a trading statement which promises to be as full of laughs as 'The Pardoner's Tale'. Elsewhere, estate agents and builders are haemorrhaging jobs.
What was it Baldrick said about irony? It's like goldy and bronzy, only it's made of iron. Someone in all of this has to have a terminal irony deficit.
Of course, it could be me. So I'd better get back to the silly season stories. Watch out over the next few weeks for how to cut your motor insurance premiums by buying a red car, following the latest statistics revealing drivers of red cars have fewest accidents. Or how to make a fortune through investing by the stars with the secrets of a good astrologer. Or why your cat will always beat Britain's best fund managers when it comes to picking shares…
Short temperedTHE chief City watchdog has signalled that the game is up for rogue traders who have been exacerbating sharp share price swings by selling stock short. In future, if a company is holding a rights issue, anyone short selling the stock will have to report their activities to the Financial Services Authority.
This is a welcome first step in cleaning up the markets, but more measures are necessary to protect small investors whose savings can be wrecked by these activities. Restrictions on stock lending by insurance companies and pension funds would be another welcome move.
A fond farewellI'VE always had a soft spot for the Catholic Building Society, so it was with a little sadness I learned of the merger with the Chelsea.
Until relatively recently, it was impossible for women to get a mortgage without the backing of a man. This caused great hardship, not just for single women but also widows and divorcees.
The Catholic was set up in the 1970s with a specific mission to right that wrong. It changed the landscape by pioneering the first home loans to women.
It's a shame to see these niche lenders disappearing.
Dad's dayI SUSPECT being a dad is nothing like as easy as it looks. Many men are breadwinners, holding down stressful or unpleasant jobs for the sake of their families. Today's dads are also expected to carry out their fair share of childcare and household chores.
So I'd like to wish all dads reading this column a happy Father's Day, to say thank you and remind them how we would be lost without you.
And while I'm at it, can I add that I don't believe what Jeremy Clarkson says about men being shallow and insensitive.
The full article contains 794 words and appears in Scotland On Sunday newspaper.
