20 of The Thick of It's Malcolm Tucker's most cutting insults
• READ MORE: Peter Capaldi: My new sympathy for Malcolm Tucker
With The Thick of It having come to a close five years ago, it seems an apt time to round up the inventive motor-mouth’s most inspired insults.
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Hide AdWARNING: Contains strong language and – in Tucker’s own words – “violent sexual imagery”
“You’re a f***ing omnishambles, that’s what you are. You’re like that coffee machine, you know: from bean to cup, you f*** up.”
“Who was it that did your media training, Myra Hindley? It’s terrible! All these hands all over the place. You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra. It was like watching John Leslie at work.”
“Your only problem was a f***ing s**t pun in a newspaper, and a face like Dot Cotton licking p*ss off a nettle.”
“He’s useless. He’s absolutely useless. He’s as useless as a marzipan dildo.”
“The guy is an epic f***-up. He’s so dense that light bends around him.”
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Hide Ad“You are a real boring f***. Sorry, I know you disapprove of swearing, so I’ll sort that: you are a boring ‘F star star C**T!’”
• READ MORE: Foul-mouthed Scots swear nine times every hour
“F***ing Ollie!? He’s a f***ing knitted scarf that t***. He’s a f***ing balaclava.”
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Hide Ad“I’ve never seen anybody look so f***ing ugly with just one head.”
“You’re about as funny as a blind toddler in a f***ing minefield.”
“No offence, but you’re not leadership material, yeah? I mean, f***ing curtain material in that outfit but, you know.”
“I wouldn’t f***ing p*ss on you, if you were f***ing allergic to p*ss, right?”
“You can’t have a Prime Minister called Dan. People called Dan work in f***ing fitness centres and listen to West Coast jazz.”
“You’re so back-bench, you’ve actually f***ing fallen off. You’re out by the f***ing bins where I put you.”
• READ MORE:Peter Capaldi on life after The Thick of It
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Hide Ad“Feet off the furniture you Oxbridge t***, you’re not on a punt now.”
“Rob, Innes, Little Bo C***k-Jockey, and the Leaky F***ing M*nge Box.”
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Hide Ad“I’d love to stop and chat but I’d rather have type 2 diabetes.”
“When I need your advice, I’ll give you the special signal: which would be me being sectioned under the f***ing mental health act.”
“You breathe a word of this to anyone, you mincing f***ing c**t, and I will tear your f***ing skin off, I will wear it to your mother’s birthday party and I will rub your nuts up and down her leg whilst whistling Bohemian f***ing Rhapsody, right?”
“Does that not fit within your purview, Marie Antoinette? Why don’t you just scuttle off back to f***ing Cranford and play around with your tea and your cakes and your f***ing horse c**ks. Let them eat c**k!”
“Sh**ehead Revisited.”
This article first appeared on our sister site, iNews.