Apocalypse soon

AS IT'S the end of the year, I thought we could have a cosy chat about the end of the world. War, plague, famine, environmental catastrophe… you know the type of thing. Why this gloomy frame of mind? Because I recently visited a website called www.heatisonline.org.

Up until now I've been keen to do my bit in the eco-stakes, putting in the low-energy light bulbs and drinking organic milk, but I have been fairly blasé about the notion that we're all going to die. I mean, it's taken me three decades to get over the disaster films of the 1970s. The Towering Inferno and The Poseidon Adventure left me convinced apocalypse lay around every corner. Years of therapy helped, but now all that good work has been undone.

The website is the work of Ross Gelbspan, and he has been incredibly busy, seemingly collecting every article ever published about climate change. I learned that a planetary temperature increase of 2ûC could lead to the following: water shortages for between 350 and 600 million people in Africa; up to 5,000 more heat-related deaths each year in Australasia; tropical glaciers vanishing in Latin America; and an increase in wheat yields by up to 25% in Europe. Oh, wait, that's a good thing. But it is easily counterbalanced by flash floods, heatwaves and new diseases. I think we get the picture.

The 2ûC nightmare was highlighted in the latest study from the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC). This temperature rise, apparently, is the point where we'll stop joking about how fabulous it is we can now grow grapes in Scotland, and instead start worrying about crop failures, species extinction and water shortages.

The IPCC used the phrase 'very unlikely' to rate our chances of averting disaster. It seems the 'change your ways for the sake of your children and grandchildren' line is now being updated to 'swap your car for a bike or else prepare to start living in your own personal disaster movie'.

This IPCC report is the tip of the iceberg you'll find at Gelbspan's site. Other cheerful nuggets include an Oxfam study revealing that more than four times the number of natural disasters are occurring now than two decades ago (largely due to global warming). Then there's the study from the University of Leeds warning that global warming could lead to the extinction of a quarter of land animals and plants by 2050. And let's not forget the possibility of rioting over food shortages and political instability caused by rising crop prices as a result of extreme weather.

Once we're all living out our own disaster movie, we need to choose which character to be. Would you be the hero, making tough decisions and leading everyone to safety? The obstinate one, who refuses to leave her home even though the lava is already engulfing it? Or the panicker, who runs off screaming, only to get eaten by a velociraptor? Wrong film, but you know what I mean.

And don't think we can rely on the square-jawed rogue scientist to save us either. At a natural resources conference in the US last month, 'geo-engineering' fixes for global warming were discussed. It appears that tactics like injecting chemicals into the upper atmosphere to cool the poles would most likely have 'unknown unknowns' (which, translated, means unpleasant consequences).

So, as the new year approaches, there's only one thing for it. Embrace your inner eco-warrior, rent lots of disaster movies and start acting like a hero.

BE GREENER

• Prepare for the worst by reading The Revenge of Gaia (£8.99, Penguin) by Professor James Lovelock. My favourite line is: "Before this century is over, billions of us will die, and the few breeding pairs that survive will be in the Arctic, where the climate remains tolerable."

• Don't go down without a fight. Visit www.preparingforemergencies.gov.uk and learn how to get all Bruce Willis on extreme weather.

Branch out

THOSE green boughs brought festive cheer, but now a glance at the needle-dropping specimen is likely to raise the question of what to do with your old Christmas tree.

Councils will collect them and most now shred them, creating a useful mulch for the garden. Some garden centres will also recycle them, suggests a contributor at http://blogs. guardian.co.uk/ethicalliving.

A blogger at site.cleanair gardening.com/info/ encourages you to turn lumberjack: "Take out some of the Christmas rage on your tree (after the relatives have left, of course)."

A post at www.ehow.com recommends removing the branches and then turning "your Christmas tree log into a mushroom farm. Several edible mushrooms grow well on coniferous softwoods – all you need to do is inoculate your log with mushroom spores."

If you're not into wielding the axe, then copy an idea at www.christmas-tree-decorations.blogspot.com. "My tree will get a place in my garden. The birds can use it for shelter, and as the needles fall, they will add organic matter to the soil."

Finally, if you bought a tree with roots, then replant it. The blog at www.gardeningcolumn.com/planting-christmas-trees advises: "The hole should be the same depth as the root ball but two to five times wider. After back-filling, water well, and apply two to three inches of mulch. Do not fertilise until spring."

HEALTHY PLANET

YOU'VE done the hard bit and jumped on your bike, now score even more green brownie points by investing in this battery-free pedal light. The Pedalite turns the kinetic energy you generate from pedalling (that includes when you're freewheeling) into light energy, helping to ensure you're more visible and safer in the dark. (£34.99 per pair, www.pedalite.com)