AS A RULE football movies are more tiresome than even the dullest football match and some turn out to be real horror shows. There are endless problems to overcome. How do you make the action realistic with actors who can't play the game? You could get footballers to act, but they are generally hopeless unless they are rolling around the 18-yard box.
Realism also suffers because Hollywood types do not often think of using the best cameramen for the job – the guys who do it brilliantly week in, week out, for Sky, BBC and Setanta.
Lately some films have made the effort to talk to football folk
and those who produce the game for the small screen, but there is a further hurdle, those pesky American backers don't really get the whole idea of soccer.
When some executive reckons Sylvester Stallone ought to be the goalie, the credibility has gone already.
Forget what anyone says to you with huge rose-tinted spectacles, probably borrowed from Elton John during his Watford days, Escape To Victory was a stinker of a movie and as a football film it was even worse.
The movie Goal was a success, if not critically, then financially, because it did spawn a follow-up. On closer inspection, though, the film wasn't really about football, even if they used footage from a Newcastle game when the star joined in the celebrations after a real goal. It is fortunate it isn't being made now; the wait for a suitable goal at St James's would hold up filming until the project went bust.
In the end it became more about reflecting the culture of celebrity and the desperation to be part of it and because of that, an idea that started out as a serious attempt to portray the game fizzled out like a mid-table end-of-season scoreless draw.
I have always felt that some day someone would make the great football film, one that would be accessible to everyone, not just fans, but without losing the spirit of the game. Ever since Trainspotting, I have wanted the man in charge to be Danny Boyle.
That is not to say there haven't been worthy efforts by others. The film Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait was a fine piece of work. The problem is that for all their efforts they didn't really engage with a wider audience beyond those of us who would happily watch an iso-cam on Zizou for 90 minutes and feel satisfied.
More recently there was a fine documentary film In The Hands Of The Gods about a group of English free-style footballers (keepy-uppy specialists in my day) who went busking their way to South America to try to meet their deity, Diego Maradona. Again it was a fine film, but it wasn't really about the core of the game, more about the adoration of a distant hero, who just happened to play football, and they were jugglers on the fringes of the sport, not real players.
Finally, a few years back the perfect football film was released, but few people in the home of football actually went to see it. In Germany, where it was made however, The Miracle Of Bern was the best selling film of the year. It was a masterpiece that told the story of Germany winning the World Cup in 1954 as the country struggled to recover after the war. Director Sonke Wortmann, a former player, managed to tell the story of the country, the team and the tournament without it ever becoming totally dependent on a knowledge or even an interest in the game. The match scenes are incredible. He brings to life the feeling of actually being there on the pitch in 1954. The detail was so precise that the actor playing Puskas not only looked like him but actually ran and played like him.
I never expected to be drawn in as much to a football film again, living in hope of maybe Wim Wenders having another go after his original The Goalkeeper's Fear Of The Penalty Kick. Then up steps Tom Hooper with his take on Brian Clough, or more precisely his take on David Peace's "factional" book on the Clough, The Damned United.
The book itself was a phenomenon, though I have to admit to being not as drawn into it as many others. The film is a more sympathetic portrayal of the great man. My initial fears were dispelled very early on when it became clear the makers had a knowledge and feel for the game. There is good but limited use of old footage and instead of going for absolute realism in the match scenes, the broader brush strokes merely gave the feel of the 1970s: the Baseball Ground, its mud and the bad styles are all there in perfect harmony.
So from a football and historical perspective it passes and even managed to amuse someone who has been in those dressing rooms, albeit 10 years after the fact. As a film it also passes muster because at its heart is the story, or more accurately, a story of the relationship between Old Big 'Ead and his assistant Peter Taylor.
With the exception of a slightly cinematic and over-lingering last scene it felt real. And that is the highest compliment I could pay it, other than calling it the greatest football film ever made. The Miracle Of Bern still holds that title, but only just.
NEVIN'S TOP 5 1. The Miracle Of Bern Germany, 2003
2. The Damned United UK, 2009
3. The Goalkeeper's Fear Of The Penalty Kick Germany, 1972
4. Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait France/Iceland, 2006
5. In The Hands Of The Gods UK, 2007
