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Gerald Warner: The mystery of the Man of Destiny remains unresolved


STRICTLY SPEAKING

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Published Date: 22 June 2008
THE man of destiny "is a fake". Holyrood was reeling last night after astonishing allegations that the First Minister is a phoney. Disturbing rumours that Alex Salmond, for so long the most revered icon of Scottish xenophobia, is not the genuine article sent shock waves through the political class.
The history of this national treasure is well known. Seven years ago, to the despair of a grieving Scotland, Salmond was taken to London with just four companions and placed on a bench in Edward Longshanks' gloomy Palace of Westminster. There he rema
ined, though there were repeated alleged sightings of him, usually at Newmarket, for six years while Scotland groaned under the yoke of New Labour.

Then came the glorious events of 2007 and Salmond's triumphant return to Scotland amid scenes of rejoicing and almost unbearable emotion. Initially there was some debate over where he should be housed. Balmoral was suggested, but ruled out because of its distasteful association with the conception of Leo Blair. So Bute House was chosen instead. Since then, Salmond has attracted an endless stream of visitors who have come to Holyrood to gaze, awe-struck, at this legendary monument to Scottish self-importance.

Now this idyll has been shattered by claims that this is not the genuine Salmond. There are two contending allegations. The first maintains that the real Salmond never left Scotland, but was kept concealed by an ancient Celtic abbot named Kenyon Wright. The other insists that the Salmond who returned from London was a substitute. Whatever the truth, these allegations have caused consternation among nationalists.

Senior politicians are remaining tight-lipped. Annabel Goldie, leader of the non-aligned, apolitical Scottish Tories and holder of the historic office of Seller of the Pass, would not be drawn during the ceremony of Elevenses at Holyrood, when she presented the First Minister with her traditional home-baked Scone of Stone. Nicol Stephen refused to comment when journalists wondered if his uncharacteristic refusal to join a coalition with Salmond – and all the red-box patronage that involves – was due to suspicions that the First Minister was an impostor.

A disillusioned SNP supporter from the party's fundamentalist wing claimed: "If what we were seeing was the real Salmond, he would have savaged Gordon Brown, nationalised North Sea oil and declared independence. Instead, he won't so much as hold a referendum. He hasn't even described the Iraq and Afghan wars as 'unpardonable folly'. And where is the penny for Scotland on tax that we were once promised?"

If the First Minister were proved to be bogus, it would be a terrible blow to nationalists. Some are taking comfort in an old prophecy of the Brahan Seer: "I see a man, and him with two faces, and at his side one named Donald from across the great ocean whose hair is terrifying to see. Together they walk upon the sands of Menie – they that are called Links and one day will truly be so – and every grain of sand is turned to gold. And he will be anointed with holy oil from the sea and raised to a place of power. But – Ochone! Ochone! – it is a terrible catastrophe that will be in it when the sea runs dry."

Last night Salmond loyalists rushed to defend the authenticity of the First Minister. "Of course Alex is the real deal," said one. "Some politicians would have been afraid of making prats of themselves by demanding a Scottish Olympic team or a separate presence for Scotland at UN talks on nuclear weapons – but Alex went for it."

One ecologically conscious activist said: "By banning nuclear power, Alex has made a significant contribution to saving the world. After Hunterston B closes in 2016 and Torness in 2023, with no replacements, Scotland's energy consumption will be cut by 40% – that's an impressive reduction."

A leftist supporter insisted Salmond's socialist credentials had remained consistent. "He has committed £1.3bn to keeping Scottish Enterprise afloat over three years and although he's abolished 50 quangos, their members will be safely re-deployed into local government. That's the Alex we knew in the 79 Group. Local Income Tax is an overdue revenge for the Poll Tax. It's time to skim some of those fat cats on £24,000 a year. Now the SNP has its own Poll Tax."

The mystery of whether the Man of Destiny is genuine remains, for the immediate future, unresolved. Meantime, most commentators seem content to give this hallowed national totem the benefit of the doubt. Even if this is not the true Salmond, a First Minister with the hubris to tell his party conference "We can make Westminster dance to a Scottish jig" is sufficiently wreathed in the mists of Brigadoon to substitute for the original article. For the moment, there is no sign of public credulity waning.



The full article contains 816 words and appears in Scotland On Sunday newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

  • Last Updated: 21 June 2008 9:21 PM
  • Source: Scotland On Sunday
  • Location: Scotland
  • Related Topics: SOS News columnists
 
1

Mercutio,

FALKIRK 22/06/2008 03:41:31
Gerald Warner has it bang to rights, where was Salmond when his country needed him?
2

Forward not Back,

22/06/2008 08:03:28
I see what you did there, Mr Warner. Sadly, it wasn't very good.
3

gus1940,

Edinburgh 22/06/2008 08:37:27
I see that not content with spreading his bile in SoS this bigoted cretin is vomiting it all over the Mail and the Telegraph.
4

Calum10,

22/06/2008 08:39:34
As satirical pieces go this is poor.

Satire is based on extending known truths, personal shortcomings, etc, in a humerous way to a point where you can add derison, invoke irony or highlight stupidity.

Satire does not work when your own prejudices are foremost.

It is clear that Mr. Warner does not do funny, he looks funny, and as die-hard Unionist, a resounding Royalist and as a follower of Rome who believes in divine intervention and sundry miracles is a man who lives in his own funny and contradictory world. Now that is begging to be satirised.
5

Mr. Lachie Todd,

Edinburgh 22/06/2008 08:41:37
The author may be unaware that in his analogous attempt to satirise Eck Wallace's Nationalist credentials he has simply further enhanced Braveheart's already considerable reputation!

Never in the field of political conflict has one Scottish Nationalist been so vilified by so few.....for so many!
6

Peter Curran,

Kirkliston 22/06/2008 10:13:22
Gerald Warner close his tedious and singularly unfunny piece by accusing the Scottish public of credulity("For the moment, there is no sign of public credulity waning.") The Scottish electorate is anything but credulous - they saw through the old unionist cant in May 2007 and returned a man and a party that they respected and trusted. The result has been a reinvigorated Scotland, and Alex Salmond has grown in stature. Warner's piece ad hominem attack reflects accurately the desperation of unionists faced with the progressive collapse of trust in the union and in the present Labour government.
Only Annabel Goldie, a staunch unionist, seems to have the political nous and strength of character to adapt to the new political reality, and win the affection of the Scottish people with her quietly humorous and effective performances in Holyrood.
7

Neil,

Glasgow 22/06/2008 14:16:12
Very funny Gerald even if it wasn't subtle enough for #2 not to understand.

Minor nit - by the time Tornes closes we will have also lost the electricity from the coal stations that are going to close in 2015 due to new EU emission controls so overall it will be above 50% not 40%. we'll all be sitting round the fire in the old traditional Scottish way.
8

Radge,

Aberdeen 22/06/2008 14:46:16
Hooray! The return of GW and his arch baiter Lackey Turd. I can start reading the SoS again.
9

Seoras67,

Edinburgh 22/06/2008 15:19:16
Great to see Gerald Warner return to Scotland on Sunday. I don't always agree with what he says but his articles make a refreshing alternative to the PC, state knows best, views expounded by so many sycophantic Labour commentators. Hopefully he is back full time as the paper is far better with him than without him. I look forward to reading a Gerald Warner critique of Gordon Brown/New Labour in the near future. That would be a Fun Read:)
10

Teemackell the Scribe,

22/06/2008 16:25:41
He's back!

About time too. That was some holiday, GW. Have you become an MP?
11

Teemackell the Scribe,

22/06/2008 16:31:30
We all ken that Eck the duine fail is a fake. He is after all a politician. The intriguing question is this: is he the real fake palmed off on the English by Abbot Kenyon or a fake fake cobbled together after his return to Scotland?
12

erizo,

22/06/2008 17:35:17
Thank Heaven.

The only Scottish non politically-correct journalist is back. Why did he ever leave? I look forward to reading more of his hard-hitting comments on our political and ecclesiastical nonentities. Lang may yer lum reek, Gerard.
13

gus1940,

Edinburgh 22/06/2008 17:58:02
I find it deeply disturbing that anybody on the face of the earth agrees with anything emanating from this creature's twisted mind.
14

Pilrig.,

Livingston 22/06/2008 19:43:32
Very droll, Gerald, but you got the wrong guy. Blair was described in a few publications as 'Bloke of Destiny".

 

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