I WOULD like to make a public apology. I deeply regret the circumstances that have forced me here. But I believe that all of us have to take responsibility for our conduct and open ourselves to public scrutiny.
Three years ago, I bought a Toyota Prius. I can confirm that I still own the Toyota Prius. The circumstances by which the purchase of the Prius came about were, I maintain, honourable; we wanted to buy a car that might not damage the air quite so bad
ly as all the rest of the cars out there. Of course I now realise I made a mistake. I did not realise that in buying a Toyota Prius I would be becoming a willing participant in the great global green witch-hunt against the rest of you blameless motorists out there, piling on your guilt about the terrible damage you are doing to the environment.
I have made my mistake. Now I would be grateful if you would all allow me to get on with the rest of my life.
I feel an apology for my greenie behaviour is necessary following the publication last week of possibly the most patronising, supercilious news release I have ever read – and that takes some beating. "Give your car, your environment and yourself a break this Easter," the Scottish Environment Protection Agency (Sepa) declared. It's worth reprinting in full.
"Taking time out to enjoy your local environment might make you and the planet feel that little bit better this Easter," it chirrups. "Avoid the traffic jams, take a walk. No matter where you live, you are never far from something beautiful or interesting to experience in Scotland. It could be a city park, a local museum or peaceful countryside, but so much more relaxing if you don't have a stressful drive."
Sick yet? No? There's more. "Get gardening. Whether you've a window box or a woodland, this is the perfect time to get out and active. If you've a family, make it fun and get your kids involved with growing something themselves, maybe even some organic veg for munching later in the year."
And now the coup de grace. "Eggs. Don't buy an over-packaged, disappointingly hollow chocolate Easter egg, go for the real thing instead. Have a laugh with friends and family by hard boiling some free range eggs, have a decorating contest and rolling the results down a hill at the end of a local walk."
Forget for a moment what Sepa is actually suggesting. Imagine instead writing this message and e-mailing it to your friends. See how staggeringly patronising it is? It's difficult to think of anything more contrived to make me want to trade in my Prius for the biggest gas-guzzling 4x4 that money can buy. Environment Minister Richard Lochhead was at it as well on Friday. "This year I want Scots to go the eggs-tra mile and recycle as much of their Easter egg packaging as possible," he declared. Yes, he really did say "eggs-tra".
The smug claim to moral authority which the green movement all to often adopts is now in serious danger of overriding all the work it has done to raise environmental issues. They had a warning when it emerged that Jeremy Clarkson is backed by many Britons as Prime Minister. Unfortunately, it appears that ministers' desire to salve their own consciences by appearing eco-trendy is more important than getting the public on their side.
The wrong-headedness of this approach should be all the more troubling as the country enters more seriously troubling times and the Politics of Plenty comes to an end. It's one thing urging people to eat organic food when food is plentiful and cheap. But when living starts getting harder and food costs start rising – as they now are – it's a different matter altogether.
The credit crunch is about to eat our economy whole, our jobs are about to be gulped down by the great recession monster, the value of our homes against which we have borrowed thousands are now vulnerable to City sharks. The last thing you want is some public agency twittering away about getting the "kids" to "munch" some organic veg.
If we are heading for an economic crisis, politicians must understand that their concerns about the way we run our lives will soon start to come a distant second place to more immediate and pressing concerns. Expensive organic produce, lifestyle choices and their concern with our "health and wellbeing" will fall on deaf ears to a public far more worried about how they are going to make ends meet.
And sales of Toyota Prius, I suspect will plummet. Although if you're looking for a second-hand one…
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eddie.barnes@scotlandonsunday.comThe full article contains 807 words and appears in Scotland On Sunday newspaper.
