Lord McConnell's eyes promptly popped out when he noticed that his new cabinet had a sticker on the front reading "SNP Whips Office". The key to said filing cabinet is still to arrive, meaning McConnell has yet to discover whether it still contains the SNP whip's "little black book" in which all the indiscretions of the party's parliamentarians are usually stored. If it does, expect to read all about it in the blatts any day soon. CHEQUE OUT BROWN'S HOUSE GUESTS BEFORE Gordon Brown became PM in 2007, reports emerged from sources that the austere Scot would be shunning the luxuries of Chequers, the prime minister's country retreat. A newly released guest list for 2009 and 2010 shows it didn't quite turn out that way. More than 200 guests were invited by the socialite Browns including Stephen Fry, Joanna Lumley, Alan Sugar, Piers Morgan and Kevin Spacey. The list also reveals that almost all of the big Union barons were invited during the year by Brown, as he sought to maintain relations (and cash) in the run-up to the election. But then it's well known that if you want to keep the Tribunes of the Working Man on side, dinner and a glass or two of the finest claret is the best guarantee. SALMOND WON'T BE BLOWN OFF COURSE ALEX Salmond is nothing if not bold. Last week, the UK Government announced it would be spending 60m to update port infrastructure so they could start constructing off-shore windmills. The day after, the First Minister declared he would be spending 70m to do the exact same north of the Border. "It's a case of anything they can do," one Scottish industry figure said with a grin last week. EXPECT A BEATING FROM THE FM IN HOLYROOD'S White Heather Club after First Minister's Questions, Sir Jamie McGrigor, the Tory whose political analysis over a malt whisky is always worth listening to, was holding forth on Alex Salmond's belligerent performances in the chamber. Being on the receiving end of one of Salmond's angry tirades was "probably a bit like being beaten," reflected Sir Jamie. "I mean, you can't stand up again until it is all over." Sir Jamie should know. He is, after all, an Old Etonian.